It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
