I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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