I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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