apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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