life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
