I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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