apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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