and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
