Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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