tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I checked into jail on foursquare
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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