best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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