Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I love you.
Bad choice
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
