Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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