It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
