He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
