im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Still dying that you shit outside
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
