she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
