Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
