A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
