I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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