HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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