put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
