I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
