Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do herpes really smell.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
