U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize