We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You ruined the universe
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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