I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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