I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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