hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
