If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
false alarm. still invincible.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
