Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We don't watch enough power rangers
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
