i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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