i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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