He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
