I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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