Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
