i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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