Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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