I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize