no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
honey bunches of taint.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
