I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
