I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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