i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
