Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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