he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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