they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize