just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
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I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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