My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
