So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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