Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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