Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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