remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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