If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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