He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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