So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I love you. Go after that dick
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
