Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
