Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
