Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
