'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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