How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
we have pet lesbian snakes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.