I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for