What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out