he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.